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.. about
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* Get in contact
at toastedpilgrim@googlemail.com
Jason wasn’t born as such.
He was conceived. The great minds of the world all formed
together and asked themselves “what would make
the world a better place?” the usual ramblings
about world peace and dead French people were raised,
but they finally settled on one golden idea. A nugget
of pure inspiration. They would give life to an amazing
being. That being was me. Jason. Unfortunately, someone
had scored the ‘greatest minds quiz’, which
was hosted on BBC1 by Philip Schofield, wrong, and it
was revealed that only a bunch of averagely intelligent
people came up with the moment of pure inspiration which
later was reduced on the inspiration scale to mediocrity.
That mediocrity was me. Jason. Hello.
I don’t consider myself
a woman, but I have a tendency to walk into girls changing
rooms at the swimming pool about 4 or 5 times a week.
In a few months I might even take swimming lessons.
I recently learnt the ability
to see through walls. Unfortunately, all the walls in
the world quickly developed the ability to not be seen
through and so this power quickly became redundant.
It was a shame as I was going to take a trip to the
local baths that week.
I like girls. Every single part
about them. I like films as well, most parts of them.
I like films with girls in them. Different parts of
them. Id like to film girls. Every part of them. They
won’t let me. I hate this part.
Contrary to the inventory of
my writing on this website, I do write a lot, the problem
is I never finish anything. It’s strange because
I have a feeling of liberation in this. If I don’t
finish my brilliant works, you can’t say if they
are rubbish or not, so I still keep the illusion of
potential genius rather than actual failure.
I hate criticism, so don’t
bother giving me any. If you do, I’m liable to
do one of the following – give up writing / cry
/ going on a rampage with a flamethrower. If you have
to, just lie to me. Ignorance is bliss.
So anyway, you’ve probably
learnt nothing about me, which is good, as I don’t
like strangers, especially you. Unless you’re a
girl and gorgeous and possibly work as a swimming instructor.
Id love to know more about you,
but you are already boring me. Constantly reading aren’t
you. Get a life. Come on, get off this profile and do
something with your existence. For instance in my spare
time I do many things. I enjoy looking at skyscrapers.
I enjoy trampolines. I enjoy 2p machines at pleasure
beaches. I enjoy a good cup of earl grey with a bacon
sandwich and the footy on. What I can’t stand though,
what really gets on my nerves, is when other people
are enjoying themselves without me. Especially if they
are at a pleasure beach with a cup of tea, eating a
bacon sandwich whilst watching the Arsenal, which they
only bought so that they could get change for the 2p
machine that was situated in the massively tall arcade
which, funnily enough, had a trampoline exhibition that
week and my mum wouldn’t let me go.
I love to watch people. Not like
a stalker or anything. Its not like I’m in a bush
right now as I write this, pulling myself away from
the page to look at Sally the receptionist from Crown
Pools through my binoculars. I just like to watch people,
their mannerisms, their dynamics, without having to
go through the tediousness of interacting with them.
So thats about it. Congratulations,
you’ve done it. Finished my profile. Happy? What,
you want a medal or something? Enjoy the rest of the
website (my part, not Danny’s) and give us (by
us, I mean me) feedback on what you think of anything
(my stuff, not his) you have come across here. Thankyou.
*As I am also available for
children’s parties.
Not had enough of me yet? Why
not invest in a “Jason J Action Figure” All
the fun, but smaller and plastic. Only £89.99,
in selected mum’s bedroom.
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