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.. about
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A short history
of Danny;
Danny was born and, years
later, after achieving nothing, died.
Due to the huge success of that
history we are pleased to bring you...
A Hollywood history of Danny;
Danny was just about born. Complications
during the birth (mostly involving the diameter of his
ears) meant that he struggled for breath at the earliest
stages. Despite his mothers protests he was allowed
to be hooked up to a life support machine - which not
only saved his life but stopped him looking a deep shade
of blue.
He quickly learned to walk and
immediately discharged himself from the hospital that
very day. Then his father gave him a bicycle and this
was where all the trouble started - because he hadn't
paid for it. His father is still in prison to this day
as the court case uncovered his theft of fifteen other
bicycles, three tricycles, two fifthcycles (whatever
they are) and eleven Ford Mondeo's. It was later revealed
that he was also involved in the great train robbery.
By the time he had reached fifteen
he had collected a great number of birthday cards. He
was also asked to help hone a couple of scripts and
novels by Ben Elton but refused on the grounds that,
'they're bad enough already.' This resulted in
a huge slagging match between the two in which Elton
described Danny as 'about as funny as an unfunny
thing.'
Then there was a hugely expensive
and unnecessary explosion. It cost a lot but it looked
good and it was very loud. Danny jumped out of the way
just in time. Then he looked at the camera, opened a
bottle of Coca-Cola and drank from it - all the while
keeping the logo in the eyesight of passers by.
The money Coca-Cola had given
him for the product placement in his life was invested
wisely. He bought the Coca-Cola company which eventually
led to the controversial release of many different flavoured
cokes including; tea, plum and peach and the highly
successful Pepsi flavoured Coca-Cola. Pepsi thought
he had done such a great job that they offered to buy
him out whilst keeping him on as a shareholder. The
offer was for (insert huge amount of money to impress
female readers). He accepted and, being the good natured
person he is (and because of constant nagging from his
then girlfriend), he donated half to the charity closest
to his heart. Three weeks later he received a letter
from the Get Danny Sexy Girls Foundation which expressed
its 'thanks for the kind gift of £1.50.'
Desperate to continue his charity work, Danny went on
to donate his Ben Elton books to any charity that would
accept them. So, he still has them - if you want them
send him an email and they're yours.
The highlight of his life was
yet to come though…
(cue music: dun dun dun)
It was in April 2004 that he
would finally stand alongside Julia Stiles. It was at
the after party of the opening night of her performance
in David Mamet's Oleanna when she clearly looked in
his direction. Later he was quoted as saying, 'I'm
not giving you a quote.'
(stop music now, it's getting annoying)
Since then he has been busy with
appearances on Newsnight, Question Time and, most notably,
Deal Or No Deal. Then one day he bumped into a woman
who he didn't get on with at first and she hated him
too. She had perfect teeth and hair. Then they fell
in love, had a minor argument but resolved it all with
a big snog.
The end.
Coming soon to a website near
you…
One film script, two novels,
a local community stage play and a sexist blog. Only
one man can write them all…
From the non award winning writer
of A Short History of Danny and A Hollywood
History of Danny comes A Hollywood History of
Danny 2.
Fingers will ache, hands will
cramp, laptops will get a little bit smashed up…
Coming fall - 2008
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