.. bye (a play in a million acts) ..

act one
Charlie's living room. Bright lights. Nature sounds (birds etc). Background is white and has 'appropriate background' written on it (this background is to be used throughout the play).

Charlie enters smiling and looks out of the window.

CHARLIE: [Breathes in]: I Love days like today. Wonderful weather and a date with a lovely lady. A beautiful lady. What does she see in me?

Charlie paces the room.

CHARLIE: Now, let's see - what is there to do for when Chloe comes over tonight? I've got the meal sorted. Table arrangement won't take long. Ah! [He stops pacing.] I must remember to get some carrot cake - apparently she loves carrot cake. I think I'll do that now.

Exit Charlie.

act two
Supermarket. Background as before but no window and a few shelves or cans or boxes/stacks are present. Signs (like big florescent stars) are about the place reading things like, 'sale', 'cheap', 'reduced' and 'limited stock'.

Enter Charlie. He starts to walk slowly past some items. The aisle starts to hum and whisper.

TIN CANS: Buy us, buy us, buy us…

Charlie is confused and a little scared. He starts to walk faster. The tin cans move around him in circles.

TIN CANS: [Chanting]: Buy us, buy us, buy us...

There's a tangle but Charlie manages to break away.

CHARLIE: No, no, no. Just carrot cake.

Charlie starts to run away, looking over his shoulder at the tin cans and, as a result, bumps into Claire.

CLAIRE: Charlie!

CHARLIE: Hello Claire.

CLAIRE: You okay? What have you been up to?

CHARLIE: Yeah, I'm good thanks. I've just been…

CLAIRE: Cool. [Silence.] Are you coming to our barbeque on the 27th?

CHARLIE: Yes, definitely. Thanks for the invite. I can't wait, it's been ages since the last one. I remember…

CLAIRE: Oh right, it's just that you haven't confirmed the event thingy on facebook, that's all.

CHARLIE: Oh right, well, I'm hardly ever on it - that's why I haven't filled in my profile properly or anything like that. But don't worry, I most certainly am coming and am really looking forward to it.

CLAIRE: Oh okay, it's just that…

CHARLIE: You want me to click the link on facebook don't you, to tell you I'm coming?

CLAIRE: Yeah, basically. Because, well, we're buying food and, you know… we need to know about numbers and, it's like, well it's instant, isn't it?

The lights fade slightly.

CHARLIE: Instant? What's this then? Is this not instant? I'm telling you to your face that I will be there.

CLAIRE: I know it's just that, well it doesn't take much to click it, does it? It's about numbers and…

CHARLIE: You've said that. What's it really about? So everyone can see that loads of people are going to your barbeque? Is it a popularity type thing?

CLAIRE: No, it's not, it's about being instant and about numbers and…

CHARLIE: I'll tell you what it is Claire, it's bollocks. That's what it is. I'll tell you what, how about this? How about I turn up and if you want to talk to me at any time - I'll tell you to put it in a fucking email, how about that?

CLAIRE: Charlie, really. It's just that when all the numbers are together like that…

The lights get slightly brighter.

CHARLIE: I haven't got time for this. [He looks over his shoulder.] I have to get some carrot cake.

Charlie moves away from Claire.

CLAIRE: [Shouting]: So you'll click the 'attending' button, yeah?

Charlie wonders around looking for carrot cake. Various items follow him. A soft guitar rhythm (simple and repetitive) starts. Soft vocals, sing whilst the items dance (these items in turn hold up other items).

WORDS:

'So are you gonna buy some of our things?
Little things, big things,
misshapen things, useless things.
Buy our things, buy our things,
please just, buy our things,
buy our things, buy our things
buy our'

Again Charlie finds himself fighting against the items. They smother him and bundle him to the ground.

WORDS:

'So are you gonna buy some of our things?
Little things, big things,
misshapen things, useless things.
Buy our things, buy our things,
please just, buy our things,
buy our things, buy our things
buy our'

Charlie wrestles his way out and grabs a box of carrot cake from the mess around him. He picks up his pace but is stopped by a man wearing a t-shirt that has 'SLAVE' printed on the front. He swirls his hands around in front of a huge television set.

SLAVE: Buy this television. Buy this television.

CHARLIE: I am not buying that television.

The lights fade to darkness.

act three
Charlie's living room. Charlie enters pushing the huge television into the room. The carrot cake is balanced on the top of the television. Charlie pushes the television to the back, centre, of the room and sighs with relief.

CHARLIE: I hate those places. Bloody telly. I don't even like telly. At least I got the carrot cake.

Charlie looks at his watch, switches on the radio (which is playing soft/gentle music) and picks up the carrot cake from the top of the television set. He starts arranging the table and two chairs for a meal.

As the table setting up progresses the music becomes harsher and harsher and soon the words, 'buy our things, buy our things, buy our things, buy our, buy our things, buy our things' accompany it.

Charlie switches the radio off. Chloe enters. Charlie kisses her on the cheek, takes her coat and hangs it (on the fucking wall - where else? Cunts). He pulls a chair out for Chloe and she sits down. He sits opposite her, smiling contently and looking dreamy-eyed.

CHARLIE: You look stunning. How have you been?

CHLOE: Word word, word. word word word word word word word word word word word word. word word word?

Charlie looks confused. He looks behind him then under the table and back at Chloe.

CHARLIE: Well, I er, the thing is… What?

CHLOE: Word word, word. word word word word word word word word word word word word. word word word?

Charlie shakes his head and cleans his ears with his fingers.

CHLOE: Word word word word word. word, word word word word!

Charlie sits still, staring forward. He fidgets with various items on the table and twiddles his fingers (and various other things the actor sees fit).

CHLOE: Word word word word word, word. word word word.

Charlie stares forward and nods. Chloe throws her head back and laughs heartedly.

CHLOE: [Still laughing]: Word word word word. [Bangs the table with her fist. More laughing.]

CHARLIE: Okay then.

The room gets darker.

Chloe stands up and Charlie helps her into her coat but doesn't attempt a kiss. He slams the door behind her.

Charlie walks over to the television and turns it on. A group of black figures jump out of the screen. They have words written across their chest, 'dumb juice' / 'reality' / 'documentary' / 'escapism'.

A harsh electronic beat starts up - a short continuous loop. The figures form a circle around Charlie and begin dancing around him. Charlie tries to escape the circle but it gets smaller and smaller. Tighter and tighter.

WORDS:

'Buy our things, buy our things, buy our things, buy our, buy our things, buy our things,.
buy our things, buy our things, buy our things, buy our, buy our things, buy our things,.
buy our things, buy our things, buy our things, buy our, buy our things, buy our things,.
buy our things, buy our things, buy our things, buy our, buy our things, buy our things.'

The music speeds up and the chants become quicker - the figures in black get aggressive and start to kick and attack Charlie. Charlie is thrown to the floor again and the figures continue to attack and rip at him and his clothing.

Fade to darkness.

Chant continues.

.. back ..